Ben Leander Willgruber | Visual Design and Personal Blog
Gay men at pride parade in fetish wear harness

All gays have fetishes. And you do too.

Why gay men are open about their sexuality and why you might enjoy that too.

What would you think about a guy who is willingly getting bound to the wall of a bar? He is naked, his hands and feet are constraint. For everyone to see. Be honest.

Is he open-minded? Horny? Kinky? A slut? A weirdo? A mental case?

Would you be friends with him? Would you like to hang out with him?

Does he have a job? Does he have a normal life?


Let’s start from the beginning. We live in a society in which you either follow a certain norm or stand out of the crowd. We assume things about people we don’t know based on things we see or hear. And that is normal. But while we are busy making assumptions about how other people are different from us, we often forget all the things we have in common.

As humans, we basically are very alike. We are all born in similar bodies with mostly similar brains which think similar thoughts. Beyond that, a strain of choices, opportunities and genetic predispositions makes us individual. So, we see a guy restrained to a wall and think about what made him do that. We assume that our norm is normal, his isn’t.

But what if the only difference between us and someone else is honestly being ourselves including our flaws, wishes and desires? As gay men (most of us) go through the process of opening up about our sexual orientation to a generally heteronormative society. When ‘the bomb dropped’ we can finally be ourselves. We are welcomed into a community that is very open about sexuality and all kinds of fetishes and kinks.

So, since we’ve already started being honest about our sexual orientation why not be honest about our sexual desires as well?

Most of us won’t wind up bonded to a wall waiting for our master to flag us. But we might be into some spanking or soft BDSM. Or maybe we start to enjoy cross-dressing or role-playing with uniforms. Maybe we start enjoying the feeling of leather on our skin or people who are especially hairy or hairless. Whatever floats our/your boat.


The international London Tattoo, creative beast Images


I strongly believe that everyone has a fetish. It doesn’t have to be extreme or out of the box. Maybe you just like big breasts. Or the feeling off stroking hairy armpits. But we all have something. Let’s start embracing our desires and being more open about them. I sincerely believe that everyone can learn from the gay community, how refreshing it can be to be honest about what turns you on.

And if you ever wind up seeing a guy tied to a wall, don’t think about what differs you from him. Maybe think about how you are alike.

So what’s your fetish? Do you think it is weird?
Would you be comfortable telling your friends? Your parents? Your kids?


I found another interesting read on this Topic here: The psychology of fetishes


15 thoughts on “All gays have fetishes. And you do too.

  1. To be honest I would think twice before telling my fetishes to someone, I would have to be very comfortable with the person and not because mine are different, Its just the look of shock that someone gives you, like \’I was not expecting that from YOU\’ as if me having that particular fetish is not normal to y behavior. A box i have been kept in and anything I do outside of it is \’not me\’
    But like you said we are more similar than we\’d like to admit. I love this post, it reminds me to be less judgmental of people based on the perceptions I have made around them.
    I have so many questions for you 🙂

    1. So, I just had to re-read this old post to be able to answer you and I was just thinking wtf did I write here. You know that feeling of re-reading older work and, you still agree with what you have written, but it just sounds so bad? haha
      Anyway, I wouldn\’t go around telling everyone my fetishes but I do enjoy that the LGBT community is much more open about sexuality. I think that opened me up a lot too. And I really enjoy being open with other people, as long as circumstances allow for it.
      If you have questions, ask away 🙂 Maybe you\’ll give me inspiration for a new post^^

      1. haha totally. that\’s why I don;t go through my old journals, especially the ones I wrote when I was a teenager
        ahh I love that! its very refreshing when you can openly discuss any topic. What kind of weird questions do you get when people find out you are gay, like ones that make you just walk away

        1. Yeah, I remember some situations where people asked weird questions. I try not to get mad when that happens. I\’m glad people ask rather than assuming that what they think being gay is like is correct. That being said, there are certain things I\’m really tired of, for example, people assuming being gay is all about sex. Or that there\’s always a \’guy\’ and a \’girl\’ even in a gay relationship. Then there are also people who cannot be convinced that I\’m not really bi. Or that being gay means you\’re automatically good at cooking, choosing fashionable clothes and spend many hours on your appearance. And while I generally appreciate when people are aware that coming out is a tough thing to do, I don\’t like when people think it\’s the end of the world.
          However, I wasn\’t always that open. I wish I talked more honestly with my parents when I came out, but at that point, I just wasn\’t ready to discuss it. That made it harder for them and me.

  2. I think you\’re onto something here. There are also many people (especially red pill style Men\’s Rights Activists) that are extremely upset about how deviant modern women have become… as if we were talked into faux-promiscuity by shows like SATC.

    But I think it\’s more likely that many women aren\’t repressing their desires as much as they used to. So I can imagine that if you\’ve already broken \”the rules\” by being openly gay, you\’re more likely to be in touch with your desires anyway.

    1. Yes, I think so too! I believe that a lot of people, especially religious people, repress their desires because they think they are bad. And they believe so because no one talks about sex and \’dark\’ desires openly. I think shows like SATC, Girls or Looking make a valuable statement that every kind of sex is \’normal\’. Just find out what you like and go for it. You\’re not hurting anyone with it 🙂

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