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A Look inside my Head

I am always critizing how dishonesty on social media makes us unhappy. But I’m not better, always trying to portray the best image of myself. Let’s break the habit and be honest. So, here is me trying not to make myself look like a genius superhero but like the casual trainwreck I am.

Hey there. After writing about myself for the Liebster Award, I decided it was time to start sharing more personal stuff. So, welcome inside my head. Feel free to look around. Close the door when you’re finished.


In school, I was a very shy and unhappy kid for a very long time. I was being teased, I was being bullied and I always felt small and insignificant. All I wanted to do for a very long time was to vanish. Until I did. I changed school and became a happier, more confident person.

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A distant relative of mine founded a cult. Of course, she calls it a religion. In this cult, they use a pendulum to make any and all important life decisions. It was even featured in the German newspaper ‘Bild’.


One of my lifelong dreams is publishing a novel. Before that happens, I am currently working on a publication featuring my findings about social media usage and what social media does to the users.


I hate that growing up you lose friends. I hate how people move to different places and do different things. But more than anything I hate that friendships that felt so close once fall apart for no obvious reason.

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A picture with one of my oldest friends. I’m so happy I got to know you and still do.

I’ve had a LOT of crazy experiences traveling on a budget. When I was in Rotterdam with my former best friend we had nowhere to sleep and had to get some emergency accommodation. We ended up in the craziest hostel which was built in an old school. The sleeping ‘dorm’ was the gym – all 120 visitors slept in this one room together!


It makes me mad when people say they’re ‘soooo OCD’. Having OCD is nothing quirky and fun you show off. Please stop it.


I knew that I was gay pretty early on. I honestly don’t remember a time where I wasn’t attracted to men. But I do remember a time where I was more attracted to girls. I’d still get down with some girls… Jennifer Weist for example. Check out a pic of me and her I snagged at a Jennifer Rostock show.

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I think one of the biggest things wrong with our society is people being judged for their appearance. I think that everyone should look the way they want to look. It breaks my heart when people want to get a tattoo and don’t because of their job. White collars may be more successful in their careers, but punks are more successful in life.


And yes, I am a tattoo fan but I am also really cautious about what to get. So, I don’t have that many but I know there are going to be more soon.


I have gained over 30lbs while taking anti-depressants. I am currently not taking them anymore and I feel a lot better. Still working on losing the weight though.


I am fascinated with obscure and gloomy art. Here are some examples…

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I love traveling and seeing the world. No matter how expensive a trip might be, seeing a different country while being on holiday is a feeling of freedom you can’t buy anywhere. If I had to choose between a big house and being able to travel the world, I choose traveling.


My favorite childhood show is, without a doubt, Spongebob Squarepants. Don’t judge me! This show – as crazy as it may seem – has great commentary on our society and layers of jokes, some for kids, some for adults. For example, this short clip of Spongebob watching porn!

 


I believe the biggest ‘fashion crime’ you can commit is wearing tight light blue jeans and stuffing things into your pockets. Also, I generally hate all blue jeans. Didn’t people listen when we learned that hip teens don’t wear blue jeans?


There are lots of things I love to do creatively: writing, drawing, painting, spray-painting, sewing, making music; and even more things I still want to try. My passion is design and if you’re interested, I’m selling them. Thanks for having a look around.

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0 thoughts on “A Look inside my Head

  1. You are a fascinating person, Ben. I think many of us had a rough early life…my parents didn\’t know any better and I was never connect to glamour or brightness until I got older. Some traumas haunt me to this day, albeit in the shadows chained to a wall. I hope you are working through your anxieties…it\’s not easy, but you can do it. Your art is great, your blog is fun, and you go for that novel. It will make you feel great.

    1. Thank you so much Claudia – for the comment and the nice words! True, some things that happen in childhood sticked with me as well. I don\’t think too much about it though and I don\’t think my personal anxieties have a lot to do with all of that. But maybe they do, I don\’t know for sure. All I know is that it\’s always worth trying to be/become your best self 🙂 Glad you enjoy this blog, it truly means a LOT!

  2. First of, I found it interesting that in the main (header) photo of the post you\’re looking down. As if you still weren\’t a confident adult.
    Those were some cool snippets from your mind.

    1. To be honest, that\’s quite an old photo of mie, but it fit this post so well. Maybe you\’re right and at the the time, I wasn\’t. I think it\’s a coincidence though. Thanks for the feedback! 🙂

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