Ben Leander Willgruber | Visual Designer and Writer

Toxic Behavior on Dating Apps

Hey.

Hey. 

Wanna fuck?

Sry, no. On my way to work.

So?

So, I’m on my way to work. 

Well fuck you, you faggot face.

This is a loose translation of an actual conversation my boyfriend had on a popular dating app. I too had lots of this kind of interactions. They start out with sexual interest and end with some kind of an insult when the other party was turned down. Why is that?

We don’t have to hate each other just because we’re different

If a chat doesn’t work out for any kind of reasons it probably means that the two users are just too different and wouldn’t match well in real life. We might not end up meeting each other, but isn’t diversity a good thing? I usually answer everyone but if I don’t wanna have sex with you, you don’t have to be rude about it. You cannot honestly believe that everyone you start a conversation with is gonna want to get in your pants, do you?

As for me, if someone gets annoyed because I am not interested in them, I know it was a good decision to pass on them. But I still don’t get why some people have to be so rude about it? Is their masculine ego that fragile?

Let’s try to be nicer to each other

Some guys are manly and masculine, others are feminine and fancy. Some are broad and beary, other slim and twinky. Some have money, others are starving artists. That’s the world we live in: filled with lots of different people. All of us together are supposed to be a community that’s uplifting, fun and supportive.

You won’t vibe with everyone you meet, in real life or on dating apps, but would you say what you typed if the person stood in front of you? Or would you rather consider their feelings and keep your opinion to yourself? No one says you’re not allowed to have an opinion, I sure as hell have lots of opinions. That’s one thing I personally wanna work on: Being more open-minded and letting go off preconceptions.

I wanna try to be more open and actually get to know people before I form an opinion on them. Or maybe not form an opinion at all. Do you?

Ben

Photos by Pratik Gubda

Suggested further reading:
Tinder is a game show. First price is a penis.
Fixing Dumb Tinder Bios
When is the right time to tell him how fucked up you are?

 

In the spirit of keeping things uplifting, I wanna share the most beautiful coming out video of this Pride season by Eugene Lee Yang. If you haven’t seen it yet, I highly recommend checking out this beautiful masterpiece!

2 thoughts on “Toxic Behavior on Dating Apps

  1. I had to check him out and first things first, he’s so cute. I’d be nice to him any day. And the slogan is spot on especially for this post! I think I’ll have to buy one of those shirts 😀

  2. Do you know the Balloon Guy? I think his Insta-handle is “blcksmth” and he does art on brightly colored brick walls here in Portland consisting of inflatable balloon letters.
    Anyway, he’s just turned some of them in to a tee shirt line and one of my favorites says, “Be nice to people, even if you don’t want to f#ck them” or something. It’s ridiculously simple and spot on for how guys behave on apps.
    I’m just waiting to see someone wearing one whose past behaviors warrants that I demand they take it off. 😬

Leave your deepest thoughts or keep them to yourself.

%d bloggers like this: