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Ben Leander Willgruber, MSc.
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Some Thoughts on Oral Sex

Before reading this post, I would like you to take a brief moment to think about your personal definition of sex.


A couple of weeks ago, I went into a deep spiral of YouTube recommended videos.
I ended up watching a make-up tutorial with a couple of guys and girls getting ready. And yes, I admit, it wasn’t that deep of a spiral. For relaxation, I like watching people caking their faces as if they’re competing on Cupcake Wars. Anyways, they were talking about sex and one guy said that he was a virgin. Just moments later he stated that all he has done is sucking guys off and get head himself. All I wanted to do was to shake that dude and tell him that he’s not a virgin then. ‘Wake up!’, I wanted to scream, ‘Sex is not just about putting a dick somewhere!’ (Pardon my French, but I don’t think I can say that any fancier.) It’s literally called oral sex.

That got me thinking about what I classify as ‘sex’.
I talked about that with a former friend a couple of years ago. She too believed that sex is only ‘intercourse’. (Thanks, Big Bang Theory, for ruining this word, by the way.) I, however, think that sex can be a lot of different things happening between two (or more) people with the intent of ‘getting off’.

I think what sex can be, ranges from person to person.
There are things that many people wouldn’t find sexy that others find highly erotic, like fetishes. Of course, everybody chooses themselves what they want to try out. Whatever floats your boat! In times before the internet people probably felt very strangely for being attracted to something ‘weird’, but nowadays you’re just a mouse click away from finding a whole community of armpit lovers or adults wearing diapers. Foot fetish? How boring.

There are certain things, however, I wouldn’t consider as ‘sex’ even though the name suggests it, namely phone sex and cybersex. If there is no touch, and even distance between the two people, that doesn’t count as an intimate act to me. Let’s call that assisted masturbation, alright?

My friend also wanted to hear my thoughts on rape.
Yes, we’re getting quite dark here, but she made a valid point. Consent is key in any sexual act. So, I adapted my personal definition of sex a little bit: Sex is whatever happens between two or more consenting adults that includes physical contact with the goal of getting horny or getting off. And yes, that will most definitely include blowjobs.

Is it sexism that makes people confuse sex with intercourse? Is it homophobic that this implies that lesbians can’t have sex altogether? Admittedly, this is all very confusing. And I don’t know if I’m right. But I don’t think I’m wrong either. Maybe it’s just a personal thing. Maybe your first blowjob/handjob was with a guy/girl you don’t want to remember, so you don’t classify it as sex and that’s okay.

But what do you classify as sex? And has this article changed your mind?

xoxo2

Ben

Comments

  • 26. May 2018
    reply

    Kristi McAllister

    I’ve always considered sex intercourse only but that could be because I’m a prude haha! Thought provoking though and the pictures cracked me up hahahaha!

      • 28. May 2018
        reply

        Of course! You’re welcome! Yoast makes me do it. Subheadings are great for who knows what but they say do it lol. So I do 🤷🏼‍♀️ I love the pics you posted. Sent the blog to my friend Chris who got a kick out of it as well! I hope you’re doing ok! Life good??

          • 2. June 2018
            reply

            Yoast is a plug in that helps you optimize your post for SEO. You get three results for readability and keyword optimization: red, orange, and green. I only use the free version but let me tell you! Getting two green lights is some hard work! And from what I’ve read about keyword research, what Yoast thinks is good is not necessarily what people search for. I’ve manipulated posts for HOURS sometimes to get a green light on readability and that’s only proven to be a battleground for run on sentences!! I think the problem is, I write like I talk. Haha. Idk how valuable it is but people who use it love it. 🤷🏼‍♀️ As for me, I feel the same as you. My outlook on life right now is *meh*. Here’s hoping things get better for both of us. Xoxo!

  • 25. May 2018
    reply

    What an interesting post! Sidenote: I go on YouTube spirals as well; I’d start at videos of cats and end up on videos of couples “vlogging.” I totally agreed with you on the part on rape. Thanks for sharing.

  • 25. May 2018
    reply

    Good topic for a post, definitely makes you think for a minute about your own personal feelings and definition.

  • 25. May 2018
    reply

    Perhaps we need a demonstration of what is and isn’t sex *smirk*

    While I would agree sex involves contact, penetration, and or bodily fluids of some kind – sex is usually defined by the circumstances eg phonee sex isn’t sex…unless your a monogamous spouse walking in on your partner having it with someone else 🙂 (I’ve had AMAZING phone sex, FYI.)

    Great post.

  • 25. May 2018
    reply

    Sex involves one person penetrating another, either orally or anally. The same for males or females. That’s how I define it. As for disease transmission (STI’s), any activity that involves possible contact with the blood, vaginal fluid or semen is considered risky behavior. As long as a female isn’t lactating, there is no risk for HIV transmission. Good post. Naked hugs!

      • 29. May 2018
        reply

        I got distracted by a student who sought my advice. We’d just finished his appointment and it was on my mind and I wanted to get the comment posted. Sorry for the confusion! 🙁

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