Running towards Death
Life is complex and abstract, sometimes it’s hard to understand, sometimes impossible. Everyone’s different and there are no two life paths alike. In the past weeks, I got the feeling that other people think very differently about life than myself. I heard people talking about ‘life goals’ or ‘life achievements’. It felt as if they were talking about stepping stones to happiness. I don’t get that. I want to be happy now, even if I don’t achieve anything.
The concept of life goals seems too simple for the complex world we live in. Finishing school at 18, studying ‘til the mid-20s, finding a job soon after, the love of a lifetime along the way, getting married before turning 30 and having kids soon after… Is this what we need to be happy?
I don’t want to think that way. As a gay man, I can’t think that way. Marriage and kids weren’t options I could think of in the past. I had some of my own goals in my mind too, e.g. I always wanted to study at a university. Planning my educational future probably wasn’t the worst thing to do. But if something changed and I couldn’t have finished my education, it wouldn’t have been the end of the world either.
I think ‘goals’ are part of the meritocracy we live in. There are societal expectations that way heavy on the shoulders of young people. I don’t know what changed since the hippie culture of the 60s but it seems as if people were way more relaxed back then. I don’t think there’s any need to rush through life. I don’t think I’m a failure because I haven’t quite figured everything out. If I’m still clubbing in my 30s, that’s fine by me. Just like I wouldn’t worry too much about meeting the right partner at a certain time. Life is something you can’t force to happen.
I don’t want to run through checkpoints in life and rush experiences. What would I be running towards?
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