Relationship Expiration Date
Some relationships are meant to last and some are just fun times with an expiration date. That doesn’t mean you won’t get attatched to that person though. Let me tell you some of my confusing and intense stories since starting short-term dating.
No matter who you’re falling in love with, inevitably, that feeling will fade. That’s the point where people have to choose to stay together if they still wanna spend the rest of their lives together. Incidentally, it is also the point where my last relationship failed. We couldn’t come to terms on how to move forward even though we both wanted a future together.
Recently I’ve also gotten to know other forms of relationships.
And I use the term ‘relationship’ very loosely in this context. I met someone who was in an open relationship. One night he came over to hang. I wasn’t feeling that great but I was up for company. We spend a nice evening together and talked for hours, snuggled on the couch. Some more things I haven’t planned for happened. We had such strong chemistry, it was obvious we were attracted to each other. When he was about to leave, he said that he never had a ‘date’ like this. I wasn’t really sure what he meant because I was new to the whole dating thing. He said that a date lasts about an hour – if it’s a good one. Usually, he didn’t feel comfortable spending hours with a stranger he had no interest in something ‘more’.
I, on the other hand, though we had a pretty normal date.
I like to get to know people beforehand even when I’m not interested in anything more. The next day I received a text from him saying that he had great fun but that he had to be careful with me because I was ‘boyfriend material’. I kinda understood what he was saying but I was a little selfish. I wasn’t in a relationship, not in an open nor in a closed one (closed relationship – does that term even exist?). We met up again, a couple of times, actually. More often than not we just had fun together without having sex. What was developing between us was probably a very fond friendship with a sexual component. What I didn’t know at that point was that he and his boyfriend were not polyamorous. I don’t wanna get into labels here but to simplify they’re in a sexually open relationship, not an emotionally open relationship.
This was all getting very confusing.
Sometimes I received some very lovely texts, sometimes he rejected me. I knew our strong chemistry was more than a friendship that included sex. I stayed selfish; when I had plans for the weekend, I asked him to join and he usually did. One thing became very clear early on: What we were doing wasn’t gonna last forever. It was all gonna go up in flames and leave a path of destruction behind. I actually told him just that one time. He responded that he wasn’t good in self-control and I wasn’t good at restricting myself. I felt that he was in a predicament I didn’t want to be a part of.
In my weakest moments, I imagined what it would be like always being with him.
I asked myself if he would be interested in that if I’d ask him. But it wasn’t right for us. I stood by what I felt very early on: The two of us were meant to have fun together but we weren’t meant to last. In some cases, we brought out the best in each other. In other cases, the worst. We both liked to be in charge which complicated the whole thing.
At that time, I realized that his boyfriend was becoming jealous.
And I totally get that. I actually wanted to meet him. He seemed very nice and sweet from what I’ve heard. When I heard about their open relationship, in my stupid head I already imagined the three of us hit it off. I asked myself if I would like to be in a relationship with two guys at once. There was no obvious reason not to. Would that be weird? Could I pull it off? What would my parents say – and is that something I would need to concern myself with? In the end, it didn’t matter because I never met him.
The inevitable end.
Just like I predicted, it all ended in chaos way too early. It felt like it had just started. We weren’t even exclusive lol. One night, he left his boyfriend at home and choose to go party with my friends and me. I knew that it probably was no good idea that he came over. But I asked him to stay. I wanted him to stay even though I knew it was wrong.
Fast forward a couple of hours when I got a text saying that we needed to break things off. He had a fight with his boyfriend and I knew I wasn’t gonna be a home wrecker. But to be honest, that inevitable text hit me harder than I thought it would. (Also, I still think he shouldn’t have broken things off with a text.) We knew each other for a short time frame only but it was intense nonetheless. We mostly stopped our contact except for some confusing text messages showing me all the ways in which we wouldn’t have worked out in the long run. I just wish we could have had a longer short run.
I’d like to know if you’ve ever been in a similarly confusing situation. How did you deal with it?
Written by: Ben Leander
Compulsive nonconformist who left the 9-to-5 world after studying psychology and has since then devoted himself to design and writing on a freelance basis. Has at least four different kinds of chips at home at any given time.
For me, all relationships are confusing. I recently met a nice guy I\’ve known before, he was just married back then. Now that he\’s single, we became interested in each other very fast; however, I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop…and this past week, it did. Unfortunately, every guy I\’ve been interested in since the man who had my heart and I broke up have ended up disappointing me. It\’s that expectations thing I guess. I just can\’t help but have them. And it leads to the demise of whatever relationship might blossom. I equate relationships with confusion always. I\’m so tired of getting disappointed that I wonder if being single isn\’t easier even though it\’s lonely. XoXo Ben! It is what it is.
Being single surely is easier but it might also be lonelier. Some people don\’t need a partner to fulfill their wish of human interactions, others do. I can only give you the tip of my guest blog post: Don\’t expect too much and everything you get will be wonderful. Of course, don\’t ignore it when a deal breaker shows up though haha. And I think it\’s important to be comfortable on your own to be able to love someone for the \’right\’ reasons and not just because you need companionship.
What I didn\’t understand about the first couple of sentences was what happened when \’the shoe dropped\’. Is that something good or bad? 😉 xoxo
I kept feeling like something was off with him and questioned whether I could trust him or not. And then the other shoe dropped and I realized he was too good to be true and that my gut feelings were right when it came to whether or not he was being on the up and up. He wasn’t. 🙁
You\’re using so many expressions I don\’t know but from what I gathered he probably wasn\’t being 100% sincere. That sucks. Not being perfect is OK and I get that at a star of something everyone wants to portray their best selves, but I\’d love it if people just were more honest about who they are from the start…
Exactly! I guess it is what it is.
I can completely understand this situation. I have even gone a step further a met the boyfriend who in turn was sweet and lovely. But yes it can be very confusing when they aren\’t theoretically emotionally open and you are.
I even went through at stage where it seemed all i would meet were guys in relationships. I have been chatting and hanging out with a couple at the moment who have previously been in a throuple and It got be thinking if I could also do that with them or in general….(still haven\’t worked that out in my head)
But yes i completely understand the confusion of hanging out with someone where there is a connection that can\’t go as far as you would probably like even if you told yourself it can\’t go there from the beginning.
It wasn\’t possible meeting the bf anymore because we were already in too deep. It all went by very fast and I didn\’t think I was gonna be disappointed but I am. I just wasn\’t interested in something \’more\’ so of course that\’s what destiny handed my. Life\’s a bitch.
I had the same thought about being in a throuple. I haven\’t found an answer either but if everything else feels right, I think I\’d do it. Thanks for your response!