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Ben Leander Willgruber, MSc.
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Saying YES to everything the Universe offers

The first ‘party’ weekend after Corona, where I went with the flow, said ‘Yes’ to everything and was rewarded with fireworks, a secret techno rave and an LSD trip.

I had no expectations of that particular weekend, probably because Corona had punished us with months of non-weekends. In my Facebook calendar, however, a couple of events had been showing up and I was definitely excited about that.

First swim

Guapo and I had been seeing each other for some time now and going swimming with a couple of my friends was one of the first times he would get to meet them. And even though we both know there is no future for us, that felt really nice. Getting to the lake was more than just a little complicated but it was worth the hassle. Jumping into the cold refreshing water for the first time of the year is always so special. Even better when you do it after playing volleyball. I love that we were such an active and motivated group and I finally got to do some sports again.

The whole afternoon, one section of the lake had been closed of and people were standing there, building something. It was the start of the season and the opening of the lake and it seemed that a party was gonna take place. Someone said there was gonna be fireworks but I didn’t wanna get my hopes up. I’m a big sucker for fireworks and since my hometown doesn’t even allow them on New Year’s I was getting excited.

An infinite moment

After a full day of relaxing at the lakeside, there truly was fireworks. It was one of those moments where the universe decides to make everything go right for once as if the stars aligned perfectly. This moment felt infinite because it will live on in the memory. A memory, as fragile as it may be, that no one will take away from us – not even time.

The next day I was about to say that I’d just like to chill at home because I was already so happy and couldn’t imagine it getting any better. Oh boy, how wrong I was. And since I decided I was just gonna go with the flow this weekend, I said YES to meeting guapo and some friends in front of Graz’ largest techno club. They had an outdoor party planned during the day. And I love day parties, they remind me of the ones that are very common in Berlin. However, they never stop there. And even though this event was really nice, I cannot fully commit to a party that ends at a time where I usually begin pre-party drinking.

Secret rave?

A friend, however, told us that another friend of a friend was celebrating his birthday today. Outside of the city – in the middle of nowhere. I heard of that party the year before – and so, I was already down to go there. After some consideration, we ended up taking a taxi. None of us knew the host, just friends from friends. Saying YES to everything is what I had in my mind.

The address led us to a small meadow in between fields of corn. There were maybe 30-40 people there, so we quickly found the host and congratulated him and he really didn’t care that we didn’t know him, he just seemed happy to have more people there – awesome, I thought! I got started on the wine I brought but soon after took a microdoses LSD. Because, you guessed it, saying YES to everything.

The peak of happiness

At first, I didn’t feel that much of it but it got more intense over time. If I had to describe how it felt then I’d say that it was giving me energy and made me wanna move but also gave me a deep feeling of satisfaction and happiness – like a tiny orgasm that lasts for hours and hours. The hallucinogenic properties were least effective when I was close to the music and the bright lights. Everything felt normal, but better. When I moved away further from the action is when I felt it a bit more and I started wondering what was going on in the dark and believed I had seen something which wasn’t there. I know that LSD is a very dangerous drug to take when you’re unstable and I think I can imagine why that is. In the dark where everything was a little unclear, I felt that this drug can make you anxious. However, everything was fine as soon as I came back into the light. It was more than fine honestly – that day, after an awesome weekend full of special surprises, I think I have reached my personal peak of happiness.

When I came home again after a long journey back, everything still seemed totally off and although I cannot describe it, touching my skin felt like touching an alienate surface. The shower after felt strangely unfamiliar as well, the same way a shower feels when you’re on vacation in a new hotel room and try the facilities for the first time. After two hours of sleep it was time to get to my parents’ house. As I walked there with techno in my earphones I could’ve started dancing again immediately. Sitting in the warm sun was when I think my trip finally ended and my soft hangover started to begin. I fell asleep on the couch of my parents and woke up and hour later, sweaty and with a smile on my face.

Thanks for the memories, guapo.

Ben

 

Title illustration: Jacqueline Kaulfersch

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