Ben Leander Willgruber | Visual Designer and Writer

Letter To My Ex | Part 1

I’m still pretty confused about my recent breakup. Probably normal after 6 years. Here is why I need to write it down.

Today, I went to your place and returned your keys to your mailbox as you’ve asked. Well, actually you said I could also keep them, but that didn’t feel right. I thought it was something I just had to get done and since I was gonna meet a newly single friend right after, it seemed like good timing. It was no easy moment, however. It made me sad once more. Didn’t help that it was raining and I was listening to X-Static Process by Madonna on the way. Walking from my office to your place made me even feel nostalgic. It was a very weird feeling one word couldn’t possibly describe. Even when I think about it, multiple words couldn’t either. It felt so weird knowing I wouldn’t step foot into this building anymore.

I wanted to add a note to the key but I really didn’t know what to say. And it just didn’t feel right to stick it to a Post-It saying ‘Thanks for everything’. There’s a lot I’d like to say that wouldn’t fit on a note. I just don’t know, exactly what it is. But I will figure it out and say it. Here.

Read the follow-up by clicking here.

Title photo by Billy Kidd.


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0 thoughts on “Letter To My Ex | Part 1

  1. Wow this totally hits home. It\’s true – sometimes words don\’t say enough. I\’ve thought about sending my ex messages after we broke up but writing about him, it\’s the one thing I really struggle to get on paper. It\’s too big to face and there are too many feelings. I cant get it right. I get overwhelmed and freeze up every time I even try. It\’s a shame. There\’s so much I\’d want to say. Great post- definitely thought provoking.

    1. I think I had a similar struggle but I knew I had to get it out of my system. I don\’t know if that might have been a mistake but I tried to sensitive as to how I phrased these two post – regarding his feelings. It helped me a ton writing about it but it was a real struggle getting it all together. Thanks again for the feedback <3

  2. So that\’s that, huh? I think it\’s good you returned the keys, because that will help with closure. I do think you should express your thoughts to him somehow, though. Otherwise, they will torment you.

    1. This comment is also thought provoking. I\’ve definitely been in a bit of an internal tornado wanting so badly to discuss things with my ex. It pains me that we went from being best friends to not talking ever again, literally overnight.

            1. Love is such a complicated thing and I always felt like no matter how well I described to anyone what my ex and I had, I could never tell the whole story. Not talking with him now sucks because I feel that part missing. It\’s a loss that can\’t be replaced. If you\’re still on terms where talking is an option, I would suggest you do that. I also wrote about when I met my ex last (post is called \’About last night\’) and it was painful yet again when I realized we couldn\’t talk to each other anymore. Still trying to wrap my head around it.

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