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A Moment in Time: Goodbye, Mr. Fisherman

Although 2020 was generally a pretty good year for me, it also contained a lot of drama, bad experiences and painful goodbyes. And even though a fortune-teller had told me I had a rough time ahead you can’t really prepare for the ups and downs that life throws at you.

 

The hardest thing after breaking apart

Is seeing that it’s not all your fault

And neither it is the other’s

It’s easy to create a villain

And hard to realize that sometimes

Love is just not enough

 

Goodbye Bad Vibes

2021 was going to be a new start and I remember all of us being pretty excited about leaving behind everything that made the past year so toxic. Two months later, however, we’re still in pretty much the same situation we’ve been in all of last year.

This will pass

But at what cost

What’s one year

A blink of an eye

 

Fisherman’s Friend

In between all of this, I found my ways in this new situation. From one week to the next I went from partying every weekend and constantly seeing friends, to being primarily with one person: myself. Over time, restrictions were lifted, people came and passed. I had a deep look at myself and found some things I didn’t like. Not-so-little details I casually sweep under the rug of exciting weekend plans and crazy adventures to keep myself busy. And even though I always kinda knew these things were parts of me, I never really had the heart to be honest with myself and acknowledge my imperfections. 

I turned to philosophy, read books about Zen, Buddhism and mindfulness, I reflected and meditated. I practiced Yoga, wrote a life motto on my mirror, download self-care apps and promised myself to do better. I started a process that won’t conclude overnight but hopefully bring positive changes to my life. For the first time, I decided to not work on projects or my business or art or anything but myself. Actually, I made myself one of my projects. And then, something unexpected happened.

 

I became friends with the fisherman

And started to share again

What I had kept to myself

In the midst of recovering

He made me feel like I wasn’t that broken

And things weren’t that pointless

And everything can feel right

When scars align

And life isn’t boring

Even when it’s on hold

 

 

Complex Numbers

The fisherman is probably the smartest person I have ever met (except for my father, obviously), and put in simple terms it makes me feel very special when a special person tells me I am. But as I am writing this article, the clock is ticking as destiny decided for us to be just a moment in time. The fisherman is here for a project, working at my local university, and will go back to his home university in Brazil in just two weeks. 

 

I just wanna cuddle up in my blanket

Stay cozy until the cold winter is over

And enjoy the summer to come

But knowing that you are here now

And won’t be then

Makes the winter feel pretty damn good

 

Forever is a lie

This of course isn’t news to me, we have always known our time limit. People who know me better or follow my blog may see some resemblance with past experiences and even though I don’t wanna go into details, I have to say that the coincidences are pretty insane. And while I struggled with many things triggering hurtful memories, these reminders have also had a positive effect. Spending time with the fisherman put a lot of things in perspective that used to feel cruel and challenging. 

 

In the end there is nothing we can do

Only time we can spend

It will end as everything does

Because forever doesn’t exist

So what better to do than carelessly forget

And enjoy the present

 

There’s beauty in the inevitable

And even though we know the rules

Sometimes it’s best to ignore them

And just enjoy the ride

 

I know from experience that there is no point in fighting the bigger plans that life has for you. So, instead of thinking about the fisherman and I having to say goodbye in less than two weeks, I think about tomorrow being Valentine’s Day and – even though this day barely has more meaning to me than a Casual Friday at the office – what I will cook. And how it doesn’t matter and everything would be just as good if we ordered stale burgers from McDonald’s as long as we eat them together and they don’t run out of Sour Cream. 

 

Goodbye, Prof. Fisherman. Thank you for a wonderful time. Gostoso!

 

 

BenLeander

 

 

A poem in video form…?

Fractures (German + English Video Poem)

Compulsive nonconformist who left the 9-to-5 world after studying psychology and has since then devoted himself to design and writing on a freelance basis. Has at least four different kinds of chips at home at any given time.

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