The Truth behind my Weight Loss | Part 1
My weight started to drop when I quit my anti-depressants.
I wanted to go off them for a long time and switched to a much less ‘invasive’ kind of replacement medication (which also works better than the SSRIs I had before). At this point, I had about 89 kg (196 lbs) but I didn’t realize how bad in shape I actually was. I wanted to lose the weight I had gained because of the SSRIs.
I started to work out and eat healthily.
That was the plan, anyway. I tried to do sports 1–2 times a week and started eating better. But I couldn’t really stick to my strict diet and I had to adjust it. The weight started to drop anyways. Just like I expected and just like my doctor told me it would happen. I was so happy and motivated to keep it going.
There was only one problem: I’m in love with food.
I could never not eat good food. And by good, I also mean food that’s not good aka fast food. When I feel bad, I don’t drown my sorrows in booze, I drown them in chicken nuggets. I’m not a crazy unhealthy eater but I do get the munchies and when I do I don’t care to count calories. Keeping myself on a diet was really hard. I sometimes found myself going to the gym to work off the calories so I could eat a pizza. I’m a brilliant mind.
Then, I went through a tough break-up.
And to be honest, I’m still struggling. I didn’t have the nerves or the strength to keep my life in pieces. I forgot about everything that I should be doing. I forgot what was good and bad. It probably was the unhealthiest time of my life. I smoked pot to numb me. I watered down my memories until they were as blurry as the dirty windows of my apartment. I drank quite a bit and didn’t care about my health. I ate junk food almost every day and never went to the gym. I just didn’t care about anything anymore.
Breaking up, ironically, also meant that I had no way of checking my weight anymore because I didn’t own a scale. I was still looking kinda OK, the mirror said. Eventually, the unhealthy phase of self-loathing ended. I switched roads and started meeting friends and having fun to get my mind off things. I also wanted to start keeping progress of my weight loss again. I was happy to see that the last months didn’t fuck it all up. Two years have gone by and I was at 68 kg (150 lbs). I was actually doing well. A little too good maybe? I didn’t worry much and time passed on. People kept asking me what my secret was. I didn’t have an answer. Was I doing something special? I got a little worried.
I had a doctor’s appointment soon after.
I was sick but had the aching feeling that something more was going on. I already had my own theory and let a doctor check it out. Turns out I was right although I wish I wasn’t. Going off the SSRI and eating healthier were not the only reason why I lost weight. The sad and terrifying truth is that I have also lost weight because I have untreated Diabetes Type I.
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Great. Now I’m going to be wondering if I have it, too.
Very unlikely, but there are signs, especially when you are very prone to bacterial infections. All the other ‘symptoms’ like having to use the bathroom a lot, always being thristy or sweating a lot are not that relevant, I feel. But I’m no doc, so I actually have no idea. I wanna go back to a time I didn’t have to think about my health lol
I can imagine.
Someone recently told me: “But I used to do x,y,z…” Aging isn’t always fun.
Health is important. More important than food or booze. Look forward to part 2.
‘..much less ‘invasive’ kind of replacement medication (which also works better)….’. I always felt bad about asking for a less-invasive medication. It was very ‘oh so where’s my body positivity for my own self’. But, it worked out in my favor and I got onto a pill that did wonders for my panic attacks.
This was so so so freaking stellar, I legit can not wait for the second part. Is it sad that i’ve literally been waiting for a post? just love your writing so much! Looking forward to more and seeing how you’re doing right now <3
Oh no, you should never feel bad about asking for ANYTHING you want when it comes to your health. I just know how hard it can be because sometimes doctors are less than helpful. I had some really bad experiences with doctors but I’m someone who will annoy the doctor until I get what I want. I just think it’s so incredibly unfair that you have to do that to get taken seriously sometimes.
Btw reading this comment was so amazing. It felt wonderful and tbh, I need all the positive things in my life I can get right now <3 So, no I don't think it's sad you're looking forward to part 2. It's a wonderful thing - although I didn't even add a cliffhanger at the end of this post (Imagine waiting for part 2 to say that it's Diabetes).
So, thanks very much for your feedback, it is greatly appreciated. 🙂
Uhuh, I get that! If you feel comfortable with it, I’d love to see a post about your experiences with doctors. I agree, I’ve come across a lot of stories where people don’t get taken seriously, and its just really disappointing. My brother had appendicitis but the doctors brushed it off as exam stress. His appendix ruptured and he literally nearly died.
Really? that’s great! Im glad my comment was able to move you as much. Please continue refraining from cliffhangers. My tiny heart cant take it, hahah
No worries at all, eagerly waiting to see what else you put out <3
Hmm… I’ll have to put that on my idea-list and see if I can come up with something. In the end, medical stuff is not a big topic in my current life, except for the diabetes of course, so I’ll have to see if I can come up with something readable^^
Mhm, totally get that ^^
My goodness I didn’t see that coming. Looking forward to the continuation of the story. Xoxo.
Yeah, me neither… xoxo