Werbeagentur

Ben Leander Willgruber, MSc.
+43 650 707 9191 (12-20h)
hello@benleander.com

Online Shop
Instagram
Facebook
Mixcloud

The Truth behind my Weight Loss | Part 1

My weight started to drop when I quit my anti-depressants.
I wanted to go off them for a long time and switched to a much less ‘invasive’ kind of replacement medication (which also works better than the SSRIs I had before). At this point, I had about 89 kg (196 lbs) but I didn’t realize how bad in shape I actually was. I wanted to lose the weight I had gained because of the SSRIs.

I started to work out and eat healthily.
That was the plan, anyway. I tried to do sports 1–2 times a week and started eating better. But I couldn’t really stick to my strict diet and I had to adjust it. The weight started to drop anyways. Just like I expected and just like my doctor told me it would happen. I was so happy and motivated to keep it going.

There was only one problem: I’m in love with food.
I could never not eat good food. And by good, I also mean food that’s not good aka fast food. When I feel bad, I don’t drown my sorrows in booze, I drown them in chicken nuggets. I’m not a crazy unhealthy eater but I do get the munchies and when I do I don’t care to count calories. Keeping myself on a diet was really hard. I sometimes found myself going to the gym to work off the calories so I could eat a pizza. I’m a brilliant mind.

25866537268_28331c3f77_o

Then, I went through a tough break-up.
And to be honest, I’m still struggling. I didn’t have the nerves or the strength to keep my life in pieces. I forgot about everything that I should be doing. I forgot what was good and bad. It probably was the unhealthiest time of my life. I smoked pot to numb me. I watered down my memories until they were as blurry as the dirty windows of my apartment. I drank quite a bit and didn’t care about my health. I ate junk food almost every day and never went to the gym. I just didn’t care about anything anymore.

Breaking up, ironically, also meant that I had no way of checking my weight anymore because I didn’t own a scale. I was still looking kinda OK, the mirror said. Eventually, the unhealthy phase of self-loathing ended. I switched roads and started meeting friends and having fun to get my mind off things. I also wanted to start keeping progress of my weight loss again. I was happy to see that the last months didn’t fuck it all up. Two years have gone by and I was at 68 kg (150 lbs). I was actually doing well. A little too good maybe? I didn’t worry much and time passed on. People kept asking me what my secret was. I didn’t have an answer. Was I doing something special? I got a little worried.

I had a doctor’s appointment soon after.
I was sick but had the aching feeling that something more was going on. I already had my own theory and let a doctor check it out. Turns out I was right although I wish I wasn’t. Going off the SSRI and eating healthier were not the only reason why I lost weight. The sad and terrifying truth is that I have also lost weight because I have untreated Diabetes Type I.

xoxo2

Ben

 

Read part II here.

Compulsive nonconformist who left the 9-to-5 world after studying psychology and has since then devoted himself to design and writing on a freelance basis. Has at least four different kinds of chips at home at any given time.

Comments

  • Avatar
    17. July 2018
    reply

    Great. Now I’m going to be wondering if I have it, too.

      • Avatar
        18. July 2018
        reply

        For sure.
        I can imagine.
        Someone recently told me: “But I used to do x,y,z…” Aging isn’t always fun.

  • Avatar
    1. July 2018
    reply

    Health is important. More important than food or booze. Look forward to part 2.
    JP

  • Avatar
    29. June 2018
    reply

    ‘..much less ‘invasive’ kind of replacement medication (which also works better)….’. I always felt bad about asking for a less-invasive medication. It was very ‘oh so where’s my body positivity for my own self’. But, it worked out in my favor and I got onto a pill that did wonders for my panic attacks.

    This was so so so freaking stellar, I legit can not wait for the second part. Is it sad that i’ve literally been waiting for a post? just love your writing so much! Looking forward to more and seeing how you’re doing right now <3

      • Avatar
        1. July 2018
        reply

        Uhuh, I get that! If you feel comfortable with it, I’d love to see a post about your experiences with doctors. I agree, I’ve come across a lot of stories where people don’t get taken seriously, and its just really disappointing. My brother had appendicitis but the doctors brushed it off as exam stress. His appendix ruptured and he literally nearly died.

        Really? that’s great! Im glad my comment was able to move you as much. Please continue refraining from cliffhangers. My tiny heart cant take it, hahah

        No worries at all, eagerly waiting to see what else you put out <3

  • Avatar
    29. June 2018
    reply

    My goodness I didn’t see that coming. Looking forward to the continuation of the story. Xoxo.

Do you have something to say?

%d bloggers like this: