Do you believe that you are born either a girl or a boy? Do you believe that sex and gender are assigned at birth? Do you believe that someone is either straight or gay? Do you believe there’s no ‘in-between’?
I talk about all this topics inspired by a conversation I heard on the bus. Kids oversharing their sex life in public…
A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting in a bus and eavesdropping on a conversation between a couple of teenagers. (Don’t judge! They were really loud and I didn’t even had to make an effort to hear them). If I remember correctly, there were two guys and a girl and I guess they were 15 to 17 years old (I’m bad in guessing ages though so maybe they were 25). They were talking about dating and who-liked-whom. In this case, it was more like who-humped-who, but never mind. One of the boys said that he was hit on by another guy. And he added that if he weren’t in a relationship, he’d be open to getting down with a guy. The other boy was surprised, maybe a little shook. He asked him if he was gay. ‘No’, the boy answered, ‘but maybe a little bi’.
This made me smile so hard that I had to restrain myself from giving this boy a high-five. I thought that his honesty and openness were incredible. When I was his age it might have been okay for a girl to say that she’d get down with another girl, but a guy saying that – no way! You would have the label ‘gay’ forever. And I would know, because I was in that situation. Maybe my social circle was uptight, but maybe times really are changing. In the words of the awesome bus-boy: ‘Are we all a little bi?’
I think it’s great that slowly but surely ‘other’ forms of sexuality are becoming more
normal accepted. I think it’s great that people are opening up to broader possibilities. I look forward to times where everyone will be able to be honest with themselves, without pressure from society. Of course, homophobia still exists nowadays, and we have a long way to go. But one step at a time I guess.
I believe that sexuality is a spectrum. I believe that we are not either straight or gay. I believe you can be ‘in between’ and that bisexuality doesn’t mean you’re equally as attracted to both/all genders. I am solely attracted to men, but I do have a couple of girl crushes (Ruby Rose, anyone?). Does this make me bi? I know some guys who identify as straight who told me that they got head from a guy in the past. Does this mean they’re bi? I’d say you are how you feel like. And if you don’t feel like it, you don’t need to label yourself at all. It’s not like you need that info for your tax declaration.
I believe that most things in life, including sexual orientation and gender identity are on a spectrum. I’d be okay with saying that most people are happy with their sex assigned at birth and straight. But some people are not happy with their sex and may want to change it. Some are not straight and that’s okay too.
When I was young, I thought that only gay people could be transgender – if they pursue treatment and surgery they’d end up straight. I probably believed that because I wasn’t too happy realizing that I might be gay and thought others changed their sex to ‘fix’ their sexuality. The reality is that both, straight and gay people, might feel that they were born the wrong sex, resulting in an even more diverse mix of possible sexual orientations and identities.
In Sex and the City (what a cliché memory!), Samantha once says that in the future we’re all gonna be pansexual. I don’t believe this to be true. But would it be the end of the world? No.
It’d just make dating a little more complicated.
As a final thought, I want to post this video of Bill Nye explaining the gender and sexuality spectrum. Maybe we’ll be able to look past binary concepts in the future.