It all started when I visited you in your night shift. Sometimes I wish I wouldn’t have done that. If I hadn’t, I could have lived on blissfully happy, not worrying. If I hadn’t seen you that day in the hospital you wouldn’t have joked around about measuring my blood sugar levels. It was naïve fun, I didn’t question it. Bring it on, McSexy.
I didn’t expect the outcome though.
All fun and games ended when the glucose meter skyrocketed. My blood sugar was way too high. I got nervous and anxious. It was the candy that I just had eaten, I told myself. However, I remembered that this was now the third time my glucose levels were too high. Eventually, the healthcare professionals always told me it was nothing. It was gonna be the same this time… right?
The next couple of weeks I constantly checked my glucose levels and ate healthier. My blood sugar stabilized. It was always kinda high but Wikipedia said it was no reason to freak out. Then, McSexy and I broke up and everything lost all meaning. I didn’t care if I had diabetes or not. Everything was meaningless so there was no point in worrying. If all the things that make me happy also kill me, why do they exist?
When I came to my senses again, it was time to take care of my health.
So, I got out my glucose meter, pricked my finger and swabbed a little drip of blood. My blood sugar was higher than ever. I instantly freaked out – in retrospect, I don’t know what I was expecting after months of fast food, booze, weed and the following munchies. So, I made a doctor’s appointment and went to the gym, cut out sugars and carbs from my diet. Maybe I just had to make some lifestyle changes, I thought. My blood sugar levels went back to normal.
That happened because my pancreas is not yet fully destroyed.
Diabetes Type I is an auto-immune disease of unknown descent. It doesn’t occur because you eat too much sugar and carbs, like Diabetes Type II. Type I isn’t curable. I am not a doctor, so don’t quote me, but I was told that my body – for unknown reasons – destroys the cells of the pancreas and surrounding areas producing insulin. Insulin is required to keep the blood glucose levels intact. As the functionality of my pancreatic cells is severely damaged from the years of untreated ‘sleeping’ Diabetes, I now have to inject insulin whenever I eat carbs. I still have some functionality left which is a blessing I am very grateful for.
I am not ready to think about the future yet.
My doctors said that they don’t know how long it’s gonna be until my pancreatic cells don’t produce any insulin anymore. But when it happens, my Diabetes will change and I will have to be a lot more careful about what I eat and how I manage my insulin injections. Basically, if you do it wrong or forget to do it, you could die. That’s a worst-case scenario but what else is gonna happen when I have a diabetic coma and lie on the floor of my flat without anyone noticing? I don’t want to think about that. It was only yesterday that I read some horror stories on diabetes blogs that I decided, I don’t need to concern myself with what’s gonna be in 10 or 20 years. I just… can’t.
I wanna go back to living blissfully happy without knowing any of this. But I can’t. So, for now, I will thank you, McSexy for saving my life. Sometimes I wish you hadn’t done that.