Ben Leander Willgruber | Visual Designer and Writer

Thank you for Saving my Life, I guess | Part 2

It all started when I visited you in your night shift. Sometimes I wish I wouldn’t have done that. If I hadn’t, I could have lived on blissfully happy, not worrying. If I hadn’t seen you that day in the hospital you wouldn’t have joked around about measuring my blood sugar levels. It was naïve fun, I didn’t question it. Bring it on, McSexy.

I didn’t expect the outcome though.
All fun and games ended when the glucose meter skyrocketed. My blood sugar was way too high. I got nervous and anxious. It was the candy that I just had eaten, I told myself. However, I remembered that this was now the third time my glucose levels were too high. Eventually, the healthcare professionals always told me it was nothing. It was gonna be the same this time… right?


The next couple of weeks I constantly checked my glucose levels and ate healthier. My blood sugar stabilized. It was always kinda high but Wikipedia said it was no reason to freak out. Then, McSexy and I broke up and everything lost all meaning. I didn’t care if I had diabetes or not. Everything was meaningless so there was no point in worrying. If all the things that make me happy also kill me, why do they exist?


When I came to my senses again, it was time to take care of my health.
So, I got out my glucose meter, pricked my finger and swabbed a little drip of blood. My blood sugar was higher than ever. I instantly freaked out – in retrospect, I don’t know what I was expecting after months of fast food, booze, weed and the following munchies. So, I made a doctor’s appointment and went to the gym, cut out sugars and carbs from my diet. Maybe I just had to make some lifestyle changes, I thought. My blood sugar levels went back to normal.

That happened because my pancreas is not yet fully destroyed.
Diabetes Type I is an auto-immune disease of unknown descent. It doesn’t occur because you eat too much sugar and carbs, like Diabetes Type II. Type I isn’t curable. I am not a doctor, so don’t quote me, but I was told that my body – for unknown reasons – destroys the cells of the pancreas and surrounding areas producing insulin. Insulin is required to keep the blood glucose levels intact. As the functionality of my pancreatic cells is severely damaged from the years of untreated ‘sleeping’ Diabetes, I now have to inject insulin whenever I eat carbs. I still have some functionality left which is a blessing I am very grateful for.


I am not ready to think about the future yet.
My doctors said that they don’t know how long it’s gonna be until my pancreatic cells don’t produce any insulin anymore. But when it happens, my Diabetes will change and I will have to be a lot more careful about what I eat and how I manage my insulin injections. Basically, if you do it wrong or forget to do it, you could die. That’s a worst-case scenario but what else is gonna happen when I have a diabetic coma and lie on the floor of my flat without anyone noticing? I don’t want to think about that. It was only yesterday that I read some horror stories on diabetes blogs that I decided, I don’t need to concern myself with what’s gonna be in 10 or 20 years. I just… can’t.

I wanna go back to living blissfully happy without knowing any of this. But I can’t. So, for now, I will thank you, McSexy for saving my life. Sometimes I wish you hadn’t done that.




Read part I here.
Read the final part III here.

22 thoughts on “Thank you for Saving my Life, I guess | Part 2

    1. I’d say do what feels right for you! I’ll have to go check it out which one is it? I’m currently on vacation and will have to read it later! I think it’s great that you tried it out 😊

  1. I like how you put the first line of the paragraph in red. It’s kind of a title, but not.
    I tend to say that I would like to know if there was something majorly wrong with me, but then I start wondering… Would I really? Hopefully I will never have to find out.

    Lots of health to you.

    1. My blogging friend, Kristi McAllister, made me aware that subheadings are a good idea to give articles some extra structure. I love the definition ‘title, but not’, fits perfectly! haha

      I don’t know if I would like to know. I’ve been tossing around the idea of having my DNA tested as I don’t wanna be surprised again. Then again, ignorance is bliss, isn’t it?

      1. I was playing with the “title, but not” idea for myself, because some of my posts can be lengthy, but I never actually adopted them. Seeing them work on your posts makes me re-consider. Thanks for the idea.

        Ignorance IS bliss, but it’s rather difficult for me to accept ignorance into my arms.

        1. True, that’s my intention with the titles too. Not every paragraph is an idea that needs an ‘introduction’ but the title, but not-thing gives it a little structure.

          Yeah, me too. Then again, if I’d find out now what I may get in the future I would probably dive into a deep hole head first for a couple of months. Again.

              1. My experience with medicine says: “You will always find something if you’re looking.” Some things you might not be able to do much about. Some items might say that you MIGHT develop something in the future. Will you be conscious every day about living your life so as not to? Or will you say: “Screw it”, because you’re predisposed to it? How far will you go? Will you have preemptive surgery just because you MIGHT develop something?

                1. I think it depends on what the results would be. If I were to hear that I may develop Alzheimers, there’s nothing I could do about it. But if I’d known earlier that I might get Diabetes, I could’ve adjusted my lifestyle. Then again, I’m happy for the time I had not knowing about it.

  2. Type 1 Diabetes runs allllll over my father’s side of the family and I should worry about it a whole lot more than I do. I kid myself all the time saying “I’ll start doing better, start eating better, exercising more for overall health reasons” — and I never do. I, though, for one, am glad that McSexy saved your life.

    1. Hi Kristi, from what I’ve heard from my doctors if your blood sugar levels are fine now it is very unlikely that you’ll develope Type I (it’s usually diagnosed before turning 20, so I was super late). Next time to worry is when you’re older. And I also think it’s better not to worry too too much. Life is short anyways. 🙂

  3. The rawness makes for a bittersweet touch, my mum’s sister is diabetic (late-onset) and it’s completely messed up everything for her. She can’t even walk anymore. I realize it’s tough, real tough. Frankly, Ben Leander, you’re a real trooper and I hope you give yourself right credit for that.

    1. Oh my, I really don’t wanna hear diabetic horror stories right now. There are so many floating around. I’ll just stay positive that it’s something my body can handle. Even though I have late-onset too, it’s still in the early stages. I hope it is something I won’t notice so much over time. Well see. As always, thanks very much for your lovely feedback 🙂

      1. Oh no. From what I’ve read in your posts, you seem to take care of yourself. She’s a lovely lady, but she tends to not care much about her health. And not having good doctors, where we live, kind of adds on to the issue.
        No worries, really enjoying your posts!

        1. Are you sure? I thought I’ve written a lot about how I didn’t care to take care of myself 🙈 may I ask where you’re from?

          1. Relativity is everything, you actively made doctor appointments, understanding what type of medication you’d like, stuff like that really does speak volumes. Our steps always seem nothing to ourselves, it helps to look at them objectively, perhaps? Rumor has it, we all like to beat ourselves up haha
            I’m from Pakistan.

            1. That was actually incredibly wise of you. I guess it’s normal not to live healthily everday but that doesn’t mean I don’t take care of myself. I hope you do the same thing 🙂
              Pakistan – wouldn’t have guessed that!

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