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Ben Leander Willgruber, MSc.
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Thank you for Saving my Life, I guess | Part 2

I didn’t expect the outcome though.
All fun and games ended when the glucose meter skyrocketed. My blood sugar was way too high. I got nervous and anxious. It was the candy that I just had eaten, I told myself. However, I remembered that this was now the third time my glucose levels were too high. Eventually, the healthcare professionals always told me it was nothing. It was gonna be the same this time… right?

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The next couple of weeks I constantly checked my glucose levels and ate healthier. My blood sugar stabilized. It was always kinda high but Wikipedia said it was no reason to freak out. Then, McSexy and I broke up and everything lost all meaning. I didn’t care if I had diabetes or not. Everything was meaningless so there was no point in worrying. If all the things that make me happy also kill me, why do they exist?

Diabetes-Memes-Home

When I came to my senses again, it was time to take care of my health.
So, I got out my glucose meter, pricked my finger and swabbed a little drip of blood. My blood sugar was higher than ever. I instantly freaked out – in retrospect, I don’t know what I was expecting after months of fast food, booze, weed and the following munchies. So, I made a doctor’s appointment and went to the gym, cut out sugars and carbs from my diet. Maybe I just had to make some lifestyle changes, I thought. My blood sugar levels went back to normal.

That happened because my pancreas is not yet fully destroyed.
Diabetes Type I is an auto-immune disease of unknown descent. It doesn’t occur because you eat too much sugar and carbs, like Diabetes Type II. Type I isn’t curable. I am not a doctor, so don’t quote me, but I was told that my body – for unknown reasons – destroys the cells of the pancreas and surrounding areas producing insulin. Insulin is required to keep the blood glucose levels intact. As the functionality of my pancreatic cells is severely damaged from the years of untreated ‘sleeping’ Diabetes, I now have to inject insulin whenever I eat carbs. I still have some functionality left which is a blessing I am very grateful for.

autoimmune-disease-because-the-only-thing-tough-enough-to-beat-me-up-is-me-1ee59

I am not ready to think about the future yet.
My doctors said that they don’t know how long it’s gonna be until my pancreatic cells don’t produce any insulin anymore. But when it happens, my Diabetes will change and I will have to be a lot more careful about what I eat and how I manage my insulin injections. Basically, if you do it wrong or forget to do it, you could die. That’s a worst-case scenario but what else is gonna happen when I have a diabetic coma and lie on the floor of my flat without anyone noticing? I don’t want to think about that. It was only yesterday that I read some horror stories on diabetes blogs that I decided, I don’t need to concern myself with what’s gonna be in 10 or 20 years. I just… can’t.

I wanna go back to living blissfully happy without knowing any of this. But I can’t. So, for now, I will thank you, McSexy for saving my life. Sometimes I wish you hadn’t done that.

xoxo2

Ben

 

Read part I here.
Read the final part III here.

Comments

  • 24. July 2018
    reply

    I gave it a go and used the “titles but not”. 1 person didn’t like it. Others didn’t notice/ care.

  • 17. July 2018
    reply

    I like how you put the first line of the paragraph in red. It’s kind of a title, but not.
    I tend to say that I would like to know if there was something majorly wrong with me, but then I start wondering… Would I really? Hopefully I will never have to find out.

    Lots of health to you.

      • 18. July 2018
        reply

        I was playing with the “title, but not” idea for myself, because some of my posts can be lengthy, but I never actually adopted them. Seeing them work on your posts makes me re-consider. Thanks for the idea.

        Ignorance IS bliss, but it’s rather difficult for me to accept ignorance into my arms.

          • 18. July 2018
            reply

            It’s definitely a tough nut to crack. You’re doomed either way (unless you test negative for everything).

              • 18. July 2018
                reply

                My experience with medicine says: “You will always find something if you’re looking.” Some things you might not be able to do much about. Some items might say that you MIGHT develop something in the future. Will you be conscious every day about living your life so as not to? Or will you say: “Screw it”, because you’re predisposed to it? How far will you go? Will you have preemptive surgery just because you MIGHT develop something?

  • 12. July 2018
    reply

    Type 1 Diabetes runs allllll over my father’s side of the family and I should worry about it a whole lot more than I do. I kid myself all the time saying “I’ll start doing better, start eating better, exercising more for overall health reasons” — and I never do. I, though, for one, am glad that McSexy saved your life.

  • 4. July 2018
    reply

    The rawness makes for a bittersweet touch, my mum’s sister is diabetic (late-onset) and it’s completely messed up everything for her. She can’t even walk anymore. I realize it’s tough, real tough. Frankly, Ben Leander, you’re a real trooper and I hope you give yourself right credit for that.

    • 9. July 2018
      reply

      Oh my, I really don’t wanna hear diabetic horror stories right now. There are so many floating around. I’ll just stay positive that it’s something my body can handle. Even though I have late-onset too, it’s still in the early stages. I hope it is something I won’t notice so much over time. Well see. As always, thanks very much for your lovely feedback 🙂

      • 9. July 2018
        reply

        Oh no. From what I’ve read in your posts, you seem to take care of yourself. She’s a lovely lady, but she tends to not care much about her health. And not having good doctors, where we live, kind of adds on to the issue.
        No worries, really enjoying your posts!

          • 9. July 2018
            reply

            Relativity is everything, you actively made doctor appointments, understanding what type of medication you’d like, stuff like that really does speak volumes. Our steps always seem nothing to ourselves, it helps to look at them objectively, perhaps? Rumor has it, we all like to beat ourselves up haha
            I’m from Pakistan.

              • 10. July 2018
                reply

                Exactly! and, yes, haha i mean I do try. welp.
                The whole country is a photo-essay perpetually developing, I love it quite a bit ^^

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