I feel absolutely nothing
I remember not being able to feel anything as a side effect of anti-depressants. Whenever shit hit the fence and it all became too much, my mind would shut down. I would no longer process any emotions, whatever happened would feel totally irrelevant. It’s a twisted coping mechanism for stressful times. Turns out, I still have that strategy in me as I’m quite overwhelmed with… well, everything. I worry about my health a lot and I’ve started questioning all the decisions I’ve made in the past couple of months. When my relationship ended, I thought I’d enjoy life. However, it’s just getting worse and worse. So many things I set out to do, haven’t gone as planned. It’s tough enjoying life when I’m feeling low, physically or mentally. And I know it wouldn’t be as bad if I had a significant other on my side helping me through all that. Tough timing, I guess.
They say you should talk about when you feel bad on social media, not just celebrate the good times. That’s what I’m doing today. I know that I will be better once I’m up and running again. I will feel better when I can finally lay in the grass and enjoy the summer sun. I will probably second-guess myself and fuck up, still. But at least I’ll feel it all. Anybody out there who knows what I’m talking about?
Title photo by Alex Martin