I hate my Body | Diabetes Update 1
Before I say anything else: Knowing that I have Diabetes still sucks. I’m not done being mad at my body, mad at myself, mad at life. I am a big believer in karma… but can’t figure out what life has in stock after this year.
When I got my diagnosis, the doctor told me I was ‘lucky’ for catching it early.
My diabetes was still in the early stages, that’s what they told me. After 6 weeks of angina (related to my high glucose levels), I can’t say that I’m feeling particularly lucky. I am in the so-called honeymoon phase. That’s a typical development shortly after you’ve first started to take insulin. The damaged pancreas can take a break from working on full capacity and recharges. For a couple of weeks, I didn’t really have to care about my diabetes. My blood sugar levels were OK, even when I ate a lot of carbs. For a second I doubted that I even had diabetes.
Next thing I know is that it is summer and hot outside.
My doctors told me that I should protect my insulin pen from the sun but they probably didn’t mean I should forget it at home constantly. However, everything was fine when I occasionally checked my blood sugar levels. My body dealt with everything on its own. I was happy and started to forget my insulin pen at home more and more often. I went on vacations and didn’t find the time to care for my diabetes. I know this is stupid, but I wanted to have one last vacation from ALL of my worries.
Then, I got sick again. As mentioned in this article I was in Riga and Tallin. I was constantly scared of the next possible disaster and unfortunately, a small disaster did occur when I got sick again. Luckily enough, I brought my usual antibiotics with me – although I now have to wonder what’s left of my liver after 6 rounds of medications.
My Diabetes is just starting and the honeymoon phase might be over soon.
My body doesn’t heal itself like it used to and I need to inject more insulin than earlier this year. Sometimes I hate everything. I wanted to get my diabetes out of my head but that made me sick. There’s no way around it and I will never again have a day of vacation from it.
Diabetes doesn’t mean having to give up on things, or so they say.
I don’t know how many diabetics would agree with this statement though. I don’t wanna give myself as many daily shots as the guys in Trainspotting, so I have to cut down on carbs. I have to be careful about what I eat and become a wizard in estimating the number of carbs in my food. I have to become more obsessed with what’s in my food than the Kardashian clan.
Ironically, I sometimes have to eat sweets when I don’t really want to.
Last night I accidentally over-estimated the number of carbs in my meal and injected too much insulin. When I went to bed, I started shaking and felt ill. I couldn’t get up on my own and my vision was blurry AF. I had to ask my boyfriend to bring me candy to the bed. No joke. I ate a whole package of cookies and then drank a bottle of water in one sip. The next day my stomach ached but at least my blood sugar levels were OK.
I am not used to this whole process yet. I know that diabetes is a manageable disease but I don’t wanna hear anyone who doesn’t have diabetes saying that. Even though diabetes won’t kill me (as long as I keep my routine going), having it still sucks and I don’t think I have to be OK with having it. Not yet.