A Casual Trainwreck

How to Have the Perfect First Gay Date

This is a guest author post by Peter Minkoff.

When first dates are concerned, I am never fully looking forward to those. First of all, I am extremely excited about meeting somebody new who might make me feel like the only person in the world (Do I hear wedding bells?), while, on the other hand, I’m probably stressing out too much about it. What if he doesn’t like me? What if I don’t like him? How many times have you complained about your date after the actual dinner or drink? Probably a couple, so let’s try to see how not to do that again. Based on my experience, these are the top 3 ways on how to have the best first date with any guy.

1. Do the necessary prep
First of all – don’t stress and plan everything in advance. It would be great if you could choose the venue for the date, as it’s always better to make him play by your rules and go to a place that you’re comfortable with. This definitely works for me, as there were a couple of dates that I had in rather unusual and uncomfortable places, which resulted in me not being quite in the mood. So, choose your venue first. After you settled that, it’s time to think about your outfit – make sure not to overdo it, as you don’t want to come across as somebody who’s trying too hard. Pick something that you know fits you nicely and accentuates the features you like about yourself. Also, get a haircut a couple of days before the actual date to look fresh but not straight-outta-the-barbershop, as it might seem a bit trying-too-much.

2. Keep the convo going
Now let’s talk about the most important part – the actual conversation. Let me tell you about the best date that I had, regarding conversation. It was a couple of years ago, and I decided it would be good to take him to my favorite coffee house, as I think that these daily cups of coffee are excellent for getting to know each other. So, we talked over a cup of my favorite and strongest coffee as I wanted for both of us to be fully concentrated on the date. It turned out that this guy likes coffee as much as I did, so this proved to be an excellent way to get the conversation started. We spent three hours at the same coffee shop, talking and laughing; and I still think of it as the best first date ever, mostly because nobody was interviewing anyone. We simply wanted to know more about the other person and shared our experiences.

3. Humor is everything
I always try to rely on my humor when it comes to first dates. Sometimes I tend to try so hard without thinking if my kind of humor is appropriate to the situation. There was this guy I went out with several years ago, which ended after the first date only because he was referencing so many instances of pop and gay culture that at one point I was like “OK, this is too much”. So, just keep it light and fun and all the puzzle pieces will fit to their place.

To conclude – be yourself but think about the other person. Even though you want to show him what you’re like, don’t be an open book – then why would he stay there? Good luck!

 

Peter is a gay lifestyle writer at Gay Republic* magazine. Follow Peter on Twitter for more tips.

Title photo by rawpixel via Unsplash

*you can also check out my guest article there (It's called 'When is the right time to tell him how fucked up you are' - online now). 

12 thoughts on “How to Have the Perfect First Gay Date

    1. No, I haven’t seen it, actually haven’t heard of it yet, but I will def check it out! Thanks for the tip! xoxo

  1. I loved this! Now if someone could tell me how to have just one straight perfect date I would be good. Haha. Honestly though, I’d like to know what happened to Mr. Coffee? He sounds like he was a perfect fit. Was there a second date?

    1. I think that besides some useful preparation, the most important still is the conversation. I do find it hard though to find guys who are interested in talking, if you catch what I mean. I don’t know if the same thing happens in the straight world haha
      I alerted Peter of your comment. If he doesn’t respond, I’ll be the sad spoiler that nothing more happened. The rest would be up for him to disclose.
      xoxo

      1. Oh I’m so sad nothing else happened! I expected the next thing he wrote to be of wedding bells! As far as the straight world, it’s very much the same. Men don’t want to date me. They just want to sleep with me and move on. Sickening. Have a feeling I’m gonna be an Old Maid!

        1. So, you haven’t really asked for advice but I feel like you may be in a similar situation I once was in. What I found out was that our strength as bloggers/writers is words. I don’t know if you’re into online dating at all, but it’s a pretty easy place to find out if someone’s just looking for sex. When they don’t write back after some time, they probably are. But if it’s OK for a guy to just talk/text for hours, he might be someone worth getting to know. As I wrote, words are our strength, so we may as well use them in the dating process. That’s just my two cents though 🙂

          1. I will always embrace your advice with much love and respect. You have become one of my favorite people and I trust you know what you speak of. I’ve only had two online dating experiences and neither was good. I think I’m a little too afraid to go that route just because I start to wonder why they can’t meet women anywhere else and then I realize it’s because there is no other place to meet them now that social media has taken over the world LOL! I did hear of a site called Cove that looked interesting but I haven’t explored it. I did, however, send the link to my friend Laura who is a pro at online dating. I admire her tenacity, really! And you’re exactly right—using our works in the dating process can only be to our advantage! 😘♥️

              1. First of, I have to say that this must be the nicest comment I’ve ever received on this blog. Thank you so much for your lovely words. Even more I’m impressed you seem to have taken the time to write it on a phone – I feel so honored!
                While we’re on the topic, I will be nominating you for a blogger award tomorrow 🙂 I will leave a comment on your blog then!

                I don’t think it makes much of a difference as to which dating site you try. If you like the interface that’s good but in the end it’s just about the men on there 😉 And if a site is superficial, e.g. Tinder, and someone takes the time to write back and forth that may even say more about that person 🙂 I personally love the rush of meeting someone I actually don’t know as long as I don’t feel unsafe. I have had some wonderful experiences but I know there’s a lot of shit happening on there as well. Trust your instincts.

                1. OMG! A blogger award?! Thank you!! I’m so honored!! As for responding via phone, these long bubble baths I take require that I bring my phone with me AND endure the finger cramps! 😂 Have you ever written a blog about your online dating experiences?! If not, that may be some food for thought there! 😘

                  1. I guess I can just tell you here that the Blogger Award is online now as my latest blog post 🙂 I hope you will participate! You were actually the first person I thought of to nominate! 🙂 Bubble baths sounds so nice. I’d just be terrified of dropping my phone^^

                    No, I actually haven’t. On my very long list of potential ideas I already noted: ‘How to nail your online date (not literally)’ XD But I found out I may not have enough experiences just yet! haha Thanks for making me think of it again, maybe I’ll write about it soon 😉

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