Ben Leander Willgruber | Visual Designer and Writer

Some Thoughts on Oral Sex

What is sex? Simple, you say? It’s more complicated than you may think! So, let’s talk about sex. (haha)

Before reading this post, I would like you to take a brief moment to think about your personal definition of sex.

A couple of weeks ago, I went into a deep spiral of YouTube recommended videos.
I ended up watching a make-up tutorial with a couple of guys and girls getting ready. And yes, I admit, it wasn’t that deep of a spiral. For relaxation, I like watching people caking their faces as if they’re competing on Cupcake Wars. Anyways, they were talking about sex and one guy said that he was a virgin. Just moments later he stated that all he has done is sucking guys off and get head himself. All I wanted to do was to shake that dude and tell him that he’s not a virgin then. ‘Wake up!’, I wanted to scream, ‘Sex is not just about putting a dick somewhere!’ (Pardon my French, but I don’t think I can say that any fancier.) It’s literally called oral sex.

That got me thinking about what I classify as ‘sex’.
I talked about that with a former friend a couple of years ago. She too believed that sex is only ‘intercourse’. (Thanks, Big Bang Theory, for ruining this word, by the way.) I, however, think that sex can be a lot of different things happening between two (or more) people with the intent of ‘getting off’.

I think what sex can be, ranges from person to person.
There are things that many people wouldn’t find sexy that others find highly erotic, like fetishes. Of course, everybody chooses themselves what they want to try out. Whatever floats your boat! In times before the internet people probably felt very strangely for being attracted to something ‘weird’, but nowadays you’re just a mouse click away from finding a whole community of armpit lovers or adults wearing diapers. Foot fetish? How boring.

There are certain things, however, I wouldn’t consider as ‘sex’ even though the name suggests it, namely phone sex and cybersex. If there is no touch, and even distance between the two people, that doesn’t count as an intimate act to me. Let’s call that assisted masturbation, alright?

My friend also wanted to hear my thoughts on rape.
Yes, we’re getting quite dark here, but she made a valid point. Consent is key in any sexual act. So, I adapted my personal definition of sex a little bit: Sex is whatever happens between two or more consenting adults that includes physical contact with the goal of getting horny or getting off. And yes, that will most definitely include blowjobs.

Is it sexism that makes people confuse sex with intercourse? Is it homophobic that this implies that lesbians can’t have sex altogether? Admittedly, this is all very confusing. And I don’t know if I’m right. But I don’t think I’m wrong either. Maybe it’s just a personal thing. Maybe your first blowjob/handjob was with a guy/girl you don’t want to remember, so you don’t classify it as sex and that’s okay.

But what do you classify as sex? And has this article changed your mind?



16 thoughts on “Some Thoughts on Oral Sex

  1. I’ve always considered sex intercourse only but that could be because I’m a prude haha! Thought provoking though and the pictures cracked me up hahahaha!

    1. I’m so glad you wroe that, I wasn’t sure if the pics maybe are inappropriate! haha. I don’t think that that means you’re prude, I’d guess it means that you’ve internalised what once was the standard in our society 🙂
      I also wanted to thank you. When I had my guest post on your blog you formatted it very nicely and added paragraph titles – I try to do that now too. Great way to have some extra structure 🙂

      1. Of course! You’re welcome! Yoast makes me do it. Subheadings are great for who knows what but they say do it lol. So I do 🤷🏼‍♀️ I love the pics you posted. Sent the blog to my friend Chris who got a kick out of it as well! I hope you’re doing ok! Life good??

        1. What is Yoast?
          Awesome I appreciate you sending it around 🙂
          Tbh not so much. Life has been pretty shitty the last couple of weeks/months. Things might slowly be looking up but who knows… How have u been?

          1. Yoast is a plug in that helps you optimize your post for SEO. You get three results for readability and keyword optimization: red, orange, and green. I only use the free version but let me tell you! Getting two green lights is some hard work! And from what I’ve read about keyword research, what Yoast thinks is good is not necessarily what people search for. I’ve manipulated posts for HOURS sometimes to get a green light on readability and that’s only proven to be a battleground for run on sentences!! I think the problem is, I write like I talk. Haha. Idk how valuable it is but people who use it love it. 🤷🏼‍♀️ As for me, I feel the same as you. My outlook on life right now is *meh*. Here’s hoping things get better for both of us. Xoxo!

  2. What an interesting post! Sidenote: I go on YouTube spirals as well; I’d start at videos of cats and end up on videos of couples “vlogging.” I totally agreed with you on the part on rape. Thanks for sharing.

    1. On Youtube (and Wikipedia), I never end up where I intended to be. haha Thanks for the feedback!

  3. Perhaps we need a demonstration of what is and isn’t sex *smirk*

    While I would agree sex involves contact, penetration, and or bodily fluids of some kind – sex is usually defined by the circumstances eg phonee sex isn’t sex…unless your a monogamous spouse walking in on your partner having it with someone else 🙂 (I’ve had AMAZING phone sex, FYI.)

    Great post.

    1. Thaha even if I gave you a demonstration it wouldn’t work as I wouldn’t consider cyber sex as sex 😉

      I can open myself up to saying that the circumstances change how phone sex is perceived. I still wouldn’t consider it sex in a relationship, rather intense and inapproriate flirting^^

      Thanks for the feedback 🙂

  4. Sex involves one person penetrating another, either orally or anally. The same for males or females. That’s how I define it. As for disease transmission (STI’s), any activity that involves possible contact with the blood, vaginal fluid or semen is considered risky behavior. As long as a female isn’t lactating, there is no risk for HIV transmission. Good post. Naked hugs!

    1. Thanks for your insight here! I agree, mostly, but I’m also a little more open as I know people with fetished who get aroused without penetration. Would still consider that sex.
      I don’t know why you went on to talk about STIs though 😉 But thanks for the comment!

      1. I got distracted by a student who sought my advice. We’d just finished his appointment and it was on my mind and I wanted to get the comment posted. Sorry for the confusion! 🙁

        1. No problem, mate, I like it when people write what they are actually thinking. And I think your definition of risky behaviour is accurate 🙂

        2. BTW (I’m too lazy to edit my old comment although I probably could in the time I need to write this explanation) What are you teaching?

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