Before reading this post, I would like you to take a brief moment to think about your personal definition of sex.
A couple of weeks ago, I went into a deep spiral of YouTube recommended videos.
I ended up watching a make-up tutorial with a couple of guys and girls getting ready. And yes, I admit, it wasn’t that deep of a spiral. For relaxation, I like watching people caking their faces as if they’re competing on Cupcake Wars. Anyways, they were talking about sex and one guy said that he was a virgin. Just moments later he stated that all he has done is sucking guys off and get head himself. All I wanted to do was to shake that dude and tell him that he’s not a virgin then. ‘Wake up!’, I wanted to scream, ‘Sex is not just about putting a dick somewhere!’ (Pardon my French, but I don’t think I can say that any fancier.) It’s literally called oral sex.
That got me thinking about what I classify as ‘sex’.
I talked about that with a former friend a couple of years ago. She too believed that sex is only ‘intercourse’. (Thanks, Big Bang Theory, for ruining this word, by the way.) I, however, think that sex can be a lot of different things happening between two (or more) people with the intent of ‘getting off’.
I think what sex can be, ranges from person to person.
There are things that many people wouldn’t find sexy that others find highly erotic, like fetishes. Of course, everybody chooses themselves what they want to try out. Whatever floats your boat! In times before the internet people probably felt very strangely for being attracted to something ‘weird’, but nowadays you’re just a mouse click away from finding a whole community of armpit lovers or adults wearing diapers. Foot fetish? How boring.
There are certain things, however, I wouldn’t consider as ‘sex’ even though the name suggests it, namely phone sex and cybersex. If there is no touch, and even distance between the two people, that doesn’t count as an intimate act to me. Let’s call that assisted masturbation, alright?
My friend also wanted to hear my thoughts on rape.
Yes, we’re getting quite dark here, but she made a valid point. Consent is key in any sexual act. So, I adapted my personal definition of sex a little bit: Sex is whatever happens between two or more consenting adults that includes physical contact with the goal of getting horny or getting off. And yes, that will most definitely include blowjobs.
Is it sexism that makes people confuse sex with intercourse? Is it homophobic that this implies that lesbians can’t have sex altogether? Admittedly, this is all very confusing. And I don’t know if I’m right. But I don’t think I’m wrong either. Maybe it’s just a personal thing. Maybe your first blowjob/handjob was with a guy/girl you don’t want to remember, so you don’t classify it as sex and that’s okay.
But what do you classify as sex? And has this article changed your mind?